I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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