Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
