take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
