worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
