So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
