I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
