He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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