I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
