I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
