But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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