is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
