yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
