Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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