Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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