There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
