it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Randomize
