So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
