just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
