Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
