omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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