addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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