Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
worst night to have a conscience
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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