great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
