My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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