And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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