Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
