dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I haven't been this sober since birth.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
