i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
