the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
