Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
