Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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