is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
