I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
