Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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