You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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