I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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