just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
