I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
