I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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