Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
