the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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