Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
