I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
