Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
