I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
