Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
