suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
