sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
