your thong is hanging out like whoa
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
