His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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