Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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