I'm jealous of your bromance
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
