sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
