oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
