that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
