i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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