i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Actions speak louder than pants.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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