I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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